Welcome 2016

I started writing this here by glancing over the post I wrote a year ago. I must admit, I know it was written by me and I feel that someone familiar might have written it, but me? As I am now? Nope, not really.

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2015.

When I finally completed a mission called Driving License. Haven’t had the chance to drive a car ever since… well 😀

Moved to Belgium for 6 months. Found myself and found new people. Found my own Sex & The City gang. LOVE.

Saw Jessie Ware in Brussels = attended a concert by myself for the very first time.

Went to Jungfrau, saw mountains up close (for the very first time, as well, believe it or not!).

Saw One Direction in Brussels.

Went to Maastricht and rode a bike after God knows how many years.

Completed a mission called Bachelor’s Degree, though I still haven’t received my diploma. The French system, what more there is to say…

Moved back home after 4 years. So now I can say that I’ve lived in 4 different countries. Not too shabby.

Went to Malta. Happened to arrive there just in time for the Isle of MTV concert = saw Echosmith, Tori Kelly, OMI, Martin Garrix, Jason Derulo.

Started out a new mission called Pre-Masters.

Got rid off quite a good amount of unnecessary body fat and hair color went from dark to light.

Joined student radio Unimix.

Rediscovered gym and sauna.

Saw Florence + the Machine in Zürich.

Listened to Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana and Beethoven’s 9th Symphony in Bern.

It might not sound a lot. It might not sound anything special to anyone who doesn’t really know me, or well, anyone besides me. But for me, it is more than enough, and not even for the reasons stated here, but rather for all the inner development that has been happening through all of this. Understandings and realizations about myself, life, people in my life, what’s important, what’s not, daily lessons about letting shit go, and so on. It was a year where I became the most me I’ve ever been, very aware that there’s always room to be even more me, better, kinder, smarter, always room for development. But arriving at this point hasn’t been as easy as it might seem and my chapter in Brussels had an important role to play and I am so very grateful.

Why I think it’s important to state the previously mentioned things/accomplishments/events is precisely for the simple reason of expressing gratitude. Being grateful, feeling lucky to live this life exactly how you’ve had the chance to do it. And not feeling bad about talking about those good things. We all know that there’s enough bad and sad out there. There’s no need to produce it even more with our own words. Because our words create our world. Together with our thoughts, of course. The funny thing is, when you develop a habit of noticing how you talk to yourself, you start being more careful with how you express yourself to others. And surprise, surprise, you start noticing how other people around you talk to themselves, for starters, and you see why it is necessary to start changing the way we treat ourselves. It all starts from there.

When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.

I know this won’t always be easy. I know that emotions should be felt and not ignored, even when they are bad ones. But it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take this thought with me into the new year as kind of an inspirational motto to guide me through some of those darker days.

We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human is worth the same, and worth saving.  ~ J.K. Rowling

One other thing, whoever you are who you’re reading this, whatever your principles, convictions about the world and the society we live in, please, don’t forget your humanity. Please please please, let’s not produce more hate.

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.  ~ Neil Gaiman

If you think about it, what a ride this life has been. I’m definitely ready for more! 2016, let’s make it happen!

Until next time,

M.

 

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Peace, love and understanding


I want to go and study Business Communication and practice Body Balance until I’m good enough to become an instructor. I want to be connected with the world and I want to be connected with nature and my body. I want to update my blog and Instagram and I want to run and hike and meditate. I want to eat cake and I want to drink my carrot-orange juice. I want to meet people and I want to be alone. I want to watch my “guilty pleasure” series (but I’m not feeling guilty about them, just mentioning) and I want to learn about psychology and watch documentaries.

It has taken me too long time to realise that it is okay to want to be this and that, and do this and that, without feeling guilty, for whatever reason. For not fitting into a “standard box”, for people judging, for friends not being happy when I don’t feel like going out weeks in a row, etc.

Quite often, I can give such good advice, and I can say so many good words to my friends so that they could get some perspective, find some peace of mind, and appreciate themselves at least half as much as I appreciate them. But to give some of this love to me?

Oh, the hell we put ourselves through to find some peace, love and understanding from the person we need it the most – ourselves.

* * *

This realisation came to me last night after a run.

If there’s a day when I happen to talk to someone and I tell to that someone that I haven’t gone for a run for a while, or that “oh today I just don’t feel like it”, please, pretty please, refer back to this post. I’m 99% certain that after re-reading this, I will feel differently.

Until next time,

M.

When love arrives

I knew exactly what love looked like – in seventh grade

Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid.
Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut.
He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles.
Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”

And love grew, stretched like a trampoline.
Love changed. Love disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.
Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire, there were other places I had planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter.
Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize.
New birthmarks, a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.
Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now, not as simple.
Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents.
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.
And turns out, love shits!

But love also cries.
And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful.”
When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.”
Love still thinks you are beautiful.
But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep;
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for love.
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe love is only there for a month.
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t.
Maybe love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”